We All Need to Vent Sometimes

It’s been a while since I have written anything, mostly because nothing feels funny. I’ve been spending a lot of time alone in the garden, wrestling weeds, dodging skinks, talking to chickens.

My chickens have had a lot to say. One bird, in particular, has way too much to say. “Cock-a-doodle-doo,” to be specific.

Roosters are illegal in the urban district, so I need to unload this inconvenient bird, stat. Anybody want a brand-new rooster? Seriously.

My husband asked if there is a dating site for roos seeking hens, and, if so, is it called ChickenTinder? I wish. I would enjoy writing that dating profile.

In the course of taking a glamor shot of Mr. Surprise to post on social media (#freebird), I noticed that his coopmate, Big Red Hen, was walking sort of weird. As it turned out, her backside was encrusted with gross stuff, so I abandoned the portrait session and, before I knew it, was sitting in the grass with an upside-down bird in my lap, cleaning her bum with a garden hose.

I don’t want to over-share about my chicken’s private parts, but it was not pretty. The internet has a lot to say on the topic of “vent gleet,” which is kind of like a yeast infection around the cloaca or vent — the opening where eggs and poop come out — so I bathed her booty, trimmed the feathers around it, and sprayed the whole enterprise with antifungal medication.

To be clear, my own self-care is at a 49-year low, while my Rhode Island Red just got a Brazilian, along with what was left of my Tinactin.

Sorry, I’m venting.

Meanwhile, if you know anyone looking for a slightly cocky, gender-fluid Lavender Orpington whose pronouns are suddenly he/him, I know one that is looking for a long-term relationship, or, honestly, probably just sex. No judgment, either way. He just can’t stay here.

10 thoughts on “We All Need to Vent Sometimes

  1. Thank you! Incredibly well written, and I actually laughed out loud!! And laughing out loud, well that takes a lot these days. Grateful for you and your wit.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. June 14, 2020: 6:38pm— My sometimes interest in “maybe someday getting chickens” is completely negated, forever squashed. Shows I must not have been truly desirous enough. But the image of you with the garden hose and upside down chicken is gold. You’re a good chicken mama.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Carrington, so glad you are back at it today! I never thought I would voluntarily read about the life of a gregarious single rooster, but I love hearing your voice in your grisly daily adventures. Perhaps a Netflix mini-series? It would be far cleverer than anything they’re airing these days. Sign me up to subscribe for Chick Life with the Foxes.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This may be my new favorite! Just keep ‘em coming! I so enjoy your adventures….and always with your chickens but the cleaning of the vent takes the cake. Thank you for sharing your hilarious thoughts with us!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This was interesting Carrington…very interesting kinda like that is why I don’t have chickens. I so remember babysitting a St. Bernard dog of a friend and her instructions were to clean his hairy bottom with a hose after he pooped before he comes in the house.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I wonder how French roosters know to say “cocorico!” instead of cockedoodledoo? And if you’ve never seen the film Sordid Lives, there is a bit on that…

    Liked by 1 person

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