Rage Against the Ice Machine

In my work at a design/build/handyman firm, I’ve come to regard icemakers—the kind that sits independently, under a countertop, for example—as Public Enemy No. 1. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had a variation of this conversation:

“Hello, this is Carrington.”

“Yes, hi, I’m calling because my hardwood floors are buckling.”

“Do you have an icemaker?”

“How did you know?”

I know because, well, fool me once, shame on you, Icemaker. But fool me twice, and shame on me. Because, to paraphrase Taylor Swift, Icemakers gonna leak, leak, leak. Then hardwood floors gonna buckle, buckle, buckle. And basements below them gonna mildew, mildew, mildew. It’s the cycle of life with an icemaker.

Inevitable leaking is why I don’t have an icemaker. That, and my affection for old-timey ice trays. But mostly inevitable leaking. You couldn’t pay me to have an icemaker.

My husband wants an icemaker…

So, if I end up chewing my words and installing such a demonic appliance, I’ll at least take steps to minimize the foreseeable floor damage. That is, I’ll put a metal pan, with sides at least 3/4-inch tall, under it, with a hole for a gravity-fed drain. (My icemaker will not have a pump drain. Pump drains gonna fail, fail, fail.) Then I’ll prop the icemaker on blocks, about 3/4 inch off the floor of the pan, so it won’t stew in its own juice when it inevitably leaks.

When your icemaker inevitably leaks, call me and I can talk you through it. Or I’ll pour you a glass of whiskey, neat, and give you one of my old-timey ice trays.



7 thoughts on “Rage Against the Ice Machine

  1. Carrington, I share your pain. After many years of horror stories finally an ice maker repairman boldly told me that ice makers no matter how expensive have no longevity. Lucky to get three years from one. It made perfect sense.

    The last one before we bought it was under discussion. Neil in his way with words said, “Well, we do use it every day.” Then of course, what shape ice….Sigh!

    There is that satisfying crunch to an aluminum ice tray.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. haha. this is something i’ve been telling realtors for years ! I don’t know how Scotsman (?) is still in business (?) love your column

    Sent from my iPhone


    Liked by 1 person

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