Postcard from Mars: Father’s Day Edition

Men. Man, are they funny.

I’ve been out-numbered by men, six to one, for about a year in construction class, and I never cease to be surprised by them.

My astonishment is surprising in and of itself, because I’m also out-numbered by men at home, four to one, so you’d think I’d know everything there is to know about dudes by now. But I guess there are things the men in my family won’t say that the men in my class won’t hesitate to share.

For one thing, the men in my house would never append anything I said with “That’s what she said,” whereas the men in class manage to tag it onto anything anyone says that even remotely lends itself to double-entendre.

“That stud’s too big….That’s what she said.”

Don’t get me started on fasteners, including nails and screws. (That’s what she said.)

As a 45-year-old mother of three young children, I know I should be appalled. But I laugh every time.

One classmate recently suggested that I write a book about my experience in male-dominated construction school. Sort of a trade-school edition of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. He pitched the title Morning Wood.

(I told him it was a good idea, but it would be hard. He said, “That’s what she said.”)

If I were to write a book about my new insights into the adult male human, I would most certainly include this helpful tip, which I learned today:

If you are struggling to figure out what to give your man for Father’s Day, that’s your fault. Because he has told you what he wants for Father’s Day. And he has left it conveniently for you in his Amazon shopping cart. In some cases he has even entered his credit card number. All you have to do is click “Purchase.”

Your baby daddy does not want a tie. Nor does he want a mug that says “World’s Greatest Dad.” Seriously, he really does not want that $#!+. That’s what he said.

You know what he might want that’s not available through Amazon? He might want an Adirondack chair, made from pressure-treated Southern yellow pine and available in traditional and rocking chair styles.

Fortunately, you can find him one at the Tennessee College of Applied Technology, where our construction class is selling handmade Adirondack chairs, tables, and planters. Swing by campus this week and take a look.

And Happy Father’s Day.

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