What you see here are replacement hot and cold stem Delta faucet parts. Or something like that. It’s hard to tell from the language on the package. Anyway, what you DO NOT HEAR is the insistent drip drop drip drop drip drop of leaky Delta faucets. That’s because I am so empowered by week one of Building Construction Technology class that I decided to fix my bathtub myself, instead of calling a $100-an-hour plumber, who, if history dictates, would be a scrappy songwriter who just looked it all up on YouTube.

As it turns out, I am also scrappy and can look things up on YouTube. I cannot, however, write songs. If I could, I’d write one called “The Sound of Silence,” dedicated to my bathtub.